what exactly am i trying to do here?

have been doing lot of soul-searching recently! I think i have been trying to achieve too much and in the process am not really doing much at all. I keep jumping from one idea too another, i get bored really easily. Then I had a big chat with ed and another with a good friend and they both said 'why are you so keen to completely abandon architecture?' and it made me realise that i have been having this big reaction against anything architectural, to the extent that i have pared my work right back to an entirely text-based environment. So I need to re-introduce some kind of real space and act on the reason I like performance - because the body activates the space. I still want to keep working with this idea of real and virtual and constructed identities, but i need to create some kind of hypersurface (an interactive zone between the real and virtual).

I have also realised that I am being... not lazy exactly... but quite unproductive. I am thinking constantly (its driving me mad!) but whilst i am already quite clear about the why and the how, I am still completely clueless about the 'what'. So I have thought about how I work best and decided I need to create some kind of brief for myself with some specific deadlines. Even if it changes loads I need to make a decision now about what my final thing is going to be and what intermediate work I am going to produce.


So my plan of action is as follows:

1. Complete the exercise i have begun - performing in virtual (fantasy) space as my alter ego 'wandering minstrel'
follow link: http://community.channel4.com/groupee/forums/a/tpc/f/4960006333/m/2260043983/p/13
AND work out why i decided (without any forethought) to be a man when I constructed my alter-ego!

2. Roughly plan my final piece (Sept 2007) and schedule of events/deadlines leading up to it

3. Plan first stage piece (July 2006) as a performance in its own right, but also as a stepping stone to next year

4. Build stuff around/in which to create a series of small performances (this term) which will test my ideas for the first stage performance.

5. Plan workshop to help fill the gaps in my knowledge (i.e. directing/acting) as well as further things I do know about

Ed says I am obsessive compulsive because i plan too much... he's probably right, but i'd have a nervous breakdown if i didnt!